my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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