Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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