She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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