Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
