i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And then he peed in my hair
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