Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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