Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
