If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
