just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
