I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
