I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
