I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
