you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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