"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
