we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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