Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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