he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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