She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
