Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
