When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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