peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i already hear my dad disowning me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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