she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you never un-have a 4some
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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