kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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