I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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