hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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