tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sober January is a disaster.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
