stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
