I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
3pm strippers are depressing
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
