How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
