oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
