I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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