At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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