I heard we made out
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
