you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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