Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
