i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
