i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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