Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
