I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ugly people sure do ruin things
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
