its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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