dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
