omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
