she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
