Apparently you make a good broom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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