Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
