I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
