thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
