i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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