i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
