i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
