Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need to stop coming to work sober
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
