i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
