I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
